


Dear Sugar Plum!

by Selkie_de_Suzie



Category: Strange Magic (2015)
Genre: Advice Columns, Bog and the never ending testing of his patience, Bog totally stress molts, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Relationship Advice, Sugar Plum and the never ending quest to shill her Love Potion, shameless self indulgence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 20:32:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3542882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selkie_de_Suzie/pseuds/Selkie_de_Suzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sugar Plum Fairy begins an advice column to help the lovelorn residents of the Dark Forest. Chaos ensues. How the hell does a printing press even exist in this place?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Sugar Plum!

**Author's Note:**

> Complete and utter silliness and indulgence on my part for which I make no apologies. This is a stand-alone fanfic from the timeline I have planned.
> 
> EDIT (7/10/15): I changed the Fairy King's name in this since learning from one of the animator's that his official name is Dagda. On that note, Plum's real name is Aura =)

Greetings to all you lonely hearts of the Dark Forest!

In light of the recent revoking of the ban on Love Potionsand my release from imprisonment, I have decided to celebrate!

And for me, celebrating all comes back to helping others, those who suffer the gaping void of loneliness in their little bitty hearts, yearn for more attractive fangs and talons to catch that special someone’s eye, and other such romantic entanglements.

“Oh, but Sugar Plum, how? How can you possibly help me and my perpetual state of romantic misery?” I hear you ask.

First off, how dare you doubt me. Secondly, I am pleased to announce the start of my new advice column,  _Dear Sugar Plum!_

I will answer any and all questions you lovely little goblins may have about matters of the heart – simply write in and spill your secrets to me! My advice will be published in the next Royal Pamphlet so that all may benefit from my wisdom. Anonymity is assured, darlings, and you know you can’t get better advice from someone who has literally made a business from Love (technically Love Potions, yet who am I to quibble?)

So write in, dearies! Confess your crushes, spill your sordid secrets!*

And always remember – Love is Strange, but we needn’t make a complete mess of it.

 _*Due to some lack of a serious education system in this Forest, some letters will need to be adapted from their original spelling for the sake of coherency._  

* * *

Dear Sugar Plum,

I used to be a happy goblin, but nowadays, I feel exposed and embarrassed. I was made aware of a trait of mine – which is of a sensitive nature - that I had been blissfully unaware of, and now I’m seeking to cover it up. But I can’t help but wonder…is that trait stopping me from finding love? Or am I denying myself of the goblin I am meant to be? No one is making me change, but I can’t help but feel that I will be rejected if I don’t. 

Is wanting to change myself for love a good thing? Or should I stay who I was originally?

Please help,

Nervous and Naked.

* * *

My Dear Nervous,

That certainly is a dilemma! Many others have also suffered through the same turmoil – they suffer under the misconception that changing themselves will bring them immediate happiness, make potential sweethearts finally fall for them. 

While wanting to change yourself for the better is certainly admirable, you must first ask yourself this, Dearest Reader – is wanting to change something you  _truly_ want? Are you making  _yourself_  happier by changing this part of you? If you are not hurting others or yourself with this trait and in fact become unhappier with this new life style, I suggest that you take a step back from this supposed improvement!

Wanting to become a better person for love is wonderful. But wanting to change yourself entirely and hide who you really are is most certainly not! Love is not loving the bits that one finds the most acceptable, but  _all_  of you, flaws included!

If it makes you happy to keep that little trait of yours, keep it! Your happiness and confidence is what will bring love to you, not your attempts to change to for others!

And if you still struggle with finding romance, feel free to pop on by and try a sample of my famous Love Potion!*

Best of Luck, Darling!

_*Sample sizes are subject to change. Morality of the use of said potion is subject to persons. Instructions for use of potion will be addressed on request – PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY._

* * *

Dear Sugar Plum,

I have always been secure and confident in my femininity. I am a proud Goblin, and have never tried to be anything other than what I am. So how come no one seems to realize that I’m a girl and that I am in fact looking for love?

I’m a consummate professional, and my work has come first for all of my life. But…lately, I want more! There’s one fellow coworker who only has just realized that I am a girl – he’s not the sharpest thorn in the bramble hedge. Unfortunately, he’s the one who I think I’m starting to crush on (which is pretty surprising, to tell you the truth, since I usually just wanna see him crushed). 

It’s frustrating me, as I never doubted that people knew who I was right off the bat and I never cared for what anyone else thought. But now I’m full of doubts. Is there a way that I can subtly tell my coworker how I feel while also reinforcing my womanhood? Should I try to be more “girly”?

Thanks,

Ms. Perplexed Professional.

* * *

My Dear Perplexed,

My deepest sympathies to you, my little sprout. Oh, how I understand the clashes between the heart wanting what it wants and the needs to remain a levelheaded businesswoman!

Getting a certain someone to notice you romantically, particularly if they have been a friend/coworker for a long time, is a tough nut to crack. Especially if the person happens to be one seed short of a pod to begin with!

Though it may seem contrary to what you want, don’t be afraid to explore the playing field as it were – a confident female like you should have no problem attracting attention from goblins that don’t see you in only a professional sense.  Having your coworker see that other people appreciate you as a lady may open his eyes!

Don’t be forceful or change yourself to be more “girly”, unless you honestly want to – simply be who you are and clearly communicate who you are and what you want, both as a female and as a worker. Honesty matters!

And if you still are having struggles after all of this, don’t be afraid to pop by and try out my Love Potion on your oblivious crush – it will most definitely open his eyes then, as long as you make sure you’re standing in front of him!*

All My Luck To You, Sweet Pea!

_*Sample sizes are subject to change. Morality of the use of said potion is subject to persons. Instructions for use of potion will be addressed on request – PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY._

* * *

To All Denizens Of The Dark Forest, And Occasional Interlopers –

It has been brought to your King’s attention that for whatever inane reason, there has been a service established where a certain sorceress and brewer of Love Potions has seen fit to dispense her so called “advice” on whatever romantic ailments and entanglements you are currently in the midst of, by way of goblins sending letters and pleas for aid to be answered. 

You can imagine my surprise at this, the foremost reason being the discovery that some of you lot can actually read. The second is that you actually believed that I would tolerate such a thing.

Let it be known that while the Sugar Plum Fairy’s imprisonment has ceased and the ban on Love Potions is revoked, any creation of an “advice column”, especially one sloppily tacked onto any Royal Pamphlets or Announcements is considered Defilement of Royal Property and Treasonous, as well as inciting stunningly levels of ineptitude and frivolousness in the populace of the Dark Forest.

I recognize that I cannot stop you from being idiots, but I can certainly put an end to any further spread of said idiocy.

The Bog King

* * *

Dear Romantic Readers,

Despite the threats of one seriously grumpy King – who one would think would have loosened up by now what with miraculously finding love again, though heavens know how with  _that_  attitude – I am pleased to reassure you that I shall continue my dispensing of romantic remedies and wooing wisdom to all who need it!

Remember, dearest readers, Love is Strange, but that doesn’t mean we have to make a complete bunk of it.

Your Romantic Advisor, 

The Sugar Plum Fairy

* * *

To the Sugar Plum Fairy –

Are you pining for your old cell, Sugar Plum? Is that what’s happening here? Is this some twisted plea for help?

Cease and desist, or I will be all too willing to reintroduce the two of you.

The Bog King

* * *

Dearest Bog King,

Oh sweetheart, as long as I have my personal printing press, I am free to do as I wish. No more attachments your Royal Pamphlets!

Say hello to your mother for me, won’t you?

Sugar Plum

* * *

To the Sugar Plum Fairy –

Stop it.

The Bog King

* * *

Dear Plum,

Boggy’s being as sour as an unripe berry about this advice column, but I saw your note anyway! We need to do a night out, honey - let’s see if I can still drink ya under the table!

But ya got to get the tab.

Toodles!

Griselda

* * *

Dearest Griselda,

Aw, darling Grissy, I’m so glad we’re friends again! I bet we could paint this Forest red – I’ve got years of being cooped up to make up for!

See you soon!

Sugar Plum

* * *

Dear Sugar Plum,

I realize that this advice column is for the subjects of the Dark Forest, but I figured I could ask your help, as you may be the only one who can help me.

You see, I think I may be in love with a frog. But I’m a fairy, and truth be told, he’s not the worst thing I’ve fallen for. Should…should I be worried?

…And do you think you could give me the antidote?

Sincerely,

That One Fairy Girl Who Fell For A Frog Because Of Your Potion.

* * *

To All Involved In This Ridiculous Thing–

ENOUGH.

The Bog King

* * *

To all this may concern –

Guys, seriously, stop it. Bog’s beginning to stress molt.

Marianne

* * *

To Marianne, Eldest Fairy Princess and Best Older Sister,

Ew, gross. Make sure you clean that up before the next time I come over to visit. On the plus side, I bet Boggy’s super touch sensitive now, huh?

Also, HEY BOGGY! Don’t stress out so much, the advice column is super cute.

Lots of Love,

Princess Dawn, Second Fairy Princess and Amazing Younger Sister

* * *

Dawn-

How the heck did you find out about the column?

Also, I didn’t even think about the touch sensitivity thing. I owe you big time.

Marianne

* * *

Hey Marianne!

Sunny found out via the Imp! He says hello, by the way. We figure as long as we send Plum the letters, she’ll use her printing press to get the word out!

You can pay me back for the touch sensitivity thingie and come have dinner with Sunny and me! See you soon!

Love, Dawn

* * *

To All Denizens Of The Dark Forest, With Particular Mention Going To Both Princesses of the Fairy Kingdom –

Some certain parties may have forgotten that all of my subjects can read their discussions,  _and all information present in them_ , be it sensitive or otherwise.

Perhaps they would  _think about that_  before they communicate to each other via this ridiculous thing.

The advice column is still banned.

The Bog King

* * *

Dear Bog,

Whoops! Sorry about that!

If it makes you feel better, Dad isn’t too happy about seeing that thing about Marianne using that touch sensitivity thing on you. Though he just might have caught a stomach bug - he hasn’t stopped throwing up since last night. It sounds super gross. 

Love, Dawn

* * *

Dawn,

Dad saw that?!

Marianne

* * *

Dear Marianne,

Seeing as you haven’t been back to the Fairy Kingdom for a while and seem to be willfully ignoring my summons for you to return and act as Heir to Throne, I have decided to attempt to contact you through this…advice column, as it seems to have become the latest way in which you communicate with your sister.

If you could come back home some time this week, there’s some things I would like to discuss with you, the foremost being the need to keep things civil and proper and  _restrained_  when dealing with other kingdoms and their rulers, and not let things like hormones rule you.

Bog…I now have a headache from banging my head on my chamber pot. I do hope you are somewhat happy with what has been brought upon you.

King Dagda of the Fairy Kingdom, Ruler of the Light Fields

* * *

Dear Readers,

I have been given special permission by the Bog King to address you in this Royal Pamphlet. Alas, I have most sad news. My beloved and dearly paid for printing press has been destroyed in a horrible and mysterious fire, and I am unable to continue printing my advice column for your eager hearts to devour.

After copious questioning on my part (phrased mostly in screaming accusations, I will admit), the Bog King’s is guiltless – his mother assured me that on the night when we were supposed to go out clubbing, she was stricken with a stomach bug and required her son’s attention the rest of the evening. It was that same evening that my poor little printing press met its fiery demise. The Fairy Paramour of the King was off on a sudden visit to her own Kingdom and was unable to comment on this tragedy.

I will miss writing to all of you, my Romantic Readers! Remember, even though my time as an advice columnist is at an end, this piece of wisdom remains – Love is Strange, but that doesn’t mean we have to make a complete mess of it.

Also, apparently printing presses are very susceptible to spontaneous combustion.

All My Love,

The Sugar Plum Fairy

P.S. – For those who still wish to use my services in other ways, please remember that there always remains the opportunity to request one of my Love Potions! *

_*Sample sizes are subject to change. Morality of the use of said potion is subject to persons. Instructions for use of potion will be addressed on request – PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY. **_

_**The Bog King has requested that I put these warnings here because he’s a paranoid little worrywart._

* * *

“Have I ever mentioned how much I adore your utterly devious mind?”

“Yeah, keep sucking up to me, almighty Bog King – I still can’t believe Plum bought that I was off visiting Dad when he _still_  can’t look at me now without getting all queasy thinking about you and me –“

“-  _Yes_ , well, you know…willful ignorance on both of their parts.”

“You  _do_  owe me big for doing that. I’m going to smell like smoke and ash for weeks now.”

“As long as that accursed printing press is still in smoldering ashes, anything you want, it’s yours.”

“…Anything?”

“Yes, anything.”

“…How quickly do you think you can molt again?”

_“…In a heartbeat.”_


End file.
